What is BDSM?

You may have come across the term BDSM on different websites, movies, and books, especially on the erotic ones. The most popular one was Fifty Shades series. In fact, most of the people came to know about BDSM after watching the movie series or reading the book series of Fifty Shades. Perhaps, some even have tried to imitate it with their spouses. However, it resembles an off-beam picture of BDSM. Indeed, the plot revolves around billionaire Christian Grey emotionally abusing Anastasia Steele in a BDSM fashion.

Initially, it may have sounded like some radically lustful acts where a creep enjoys emotionally abusing his/her partner. On the contrary, the real BDSM is a way to unlock or add new pleasures during sex. In fact, it is safe, consensual, and responsible sexual acts. The well-being, as well as joys of both partners, are cared. In this article, we will be taking this kinky and hot subject to enlighten you with the truth behind it.

What Does BDSM Stands For?

bdsm

The Abbreviation of BDSM is Bondage Domination Submission and Masochism. As the name proposes, it is all about dominating and giving up control in sexual acts. It is a bunch of consensual sexual activities where one partner plays the role of dominator or master while the other plays the role of Submissive. The BDSM involve two or more than two individuals. The co-author of the New Topping Book Janet W. Hardy has given a precise definition. According to him, it is eroticizing of objectionable acts that are unpleasant in a non-erotic situation to gain new sexual pleasures.

Be it the Dominator or Submissive, but it involves the consent of those involved in it. Though, BDSM may appear otherwise. It let them dive into the world of sexual fetishes during the play time. It takes them away from the real world. They can spank and dominate their partner like nothing. Once they finish the play scene, they can cuddle each other or shower together. In fact, BDSM is one of the sexiest modes to embrace and enjoy the body of your beloved extensively.

The Media Influencing the Picture of BDSM

For the entertainment value, the media channels misrepresent some issues. The BDSM subject is a victim of it. Usually, they represent the female Submissive as little flowers. In fact, it appears as if they need help and protection from the Dominant male personality. Besides, they resemble the Dominants as an extremely wealthy and influential. The Fifty Shades series is an example of it. Other erotic movies like the Secretary has the similar story line.

Undoubtedly, the fictional pieces have ruined its reputation. However, this coin has another side as well. Nowadays, lovers are researching this subject. They are even experimenting it in their relationship. They concern about the safety issues while performing it. Women are opening-up on sexuality. They are discussing things like turn on. To sum up, the stereotype is ending.

Mythbusters

Unquestionably, it has become one of the hottest topics. If you are genuinely curious, then you must know some the facts about it. At first, we will be busting some of the common myths linked to it.

Fantasizing BDSM is not Rare

In the society, it is bizarre subject. Credit goes to the media hype. Even people consider it as an unusual and rare practice. However, the facts are contrary. As per them, it is quite common among men and women. As per an article published in the Sexual magazine, BDSM fantasies are common, especially among the young generation. A recent online survey conducted among 1516 Canadian adults of the age group of 18-77 claims the same. Around 64 percent women had fantasies of men dominating them during sex. Even 53 percent men also had fantasies of women domination during intercourse. It lies in the imaginations of most of the people.

BDSM Practitioners are not Abnormal

Often taken as mentally sick, people who practice BDSM are usually healthy. As per an article published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the practitioners are more confident and sociable. They are more emotionally stable. Also, they have higher levels of personal well-being than the non-BDSM group. Nevertheless, the people who practice BDSM are just like ordinary people. They are as psychologically healthy as everyone else.

There are no Childhood Traumas Behind It

BDSM interests develop due to the childhood traumas like sexual abuse is another stereotype. In fact, it is nowhere near to reality for building interest in Dominants as well as Submissives.  Of course, the Fifty Shades of Grey denotes a different idea. In the movie, Christian Grey had a rough childhood. At a young age, he got introduced to BDSM and sexually exploited by his mother’s friend. As per the movie, these traumas have created interest in it and shaped his Dominant mentality. Well, excellent for the building the story line but isn’t for real. According to a recent survey, most of the practitioners don’t develop interest until reaching adulthood. In fact, some build it after gaining a couple of sexual experience.

The Submissive Do not Suffer Extreme Pain or Trauma

Contrary to the looks and beliefs, there is no involvement of extreme pain in BDSM. The cutting, piercing, and lashing rarely takes place. Their mild versions may be a part just to represent torture. In fact, they pose no danger or harm. Most of the people follow the idea of safe and consensual activities.

It is not a Mental Disorder. Although, it Appears to be One

As per the medical manual, the sexual masochism and sadism is a mental disorder. However, the fans are not creating problems in their lives. Also, it happens with consent. Hence, it is not a psychological disorder.

Forced Sex is not BDSM

It may seem that Dominants are oppressing submissive. However, submissives agrees with all actions. Every action requires consent in it. The couple discusses likes and dislikes. Besides, they also notify the acts that are a big no for them. All this takes place before the BDSM act. Hence, there is no chance of coercion.

Some General Facts about BDSM

  • It can be polygamous as well as monogamous.
  • In regular sex, kink is getting more common. These include blindfolding, spanking, role-playing, and tie-ups. Even many other people have unknowingly taken part in some form of BDSM.
  • The word Sadism got derived from the name of French author Marquis de Sade. Napoleon jailed him for 13 years just because he wrote a novel, Juliette. It was about a nympho. He was a real sexual martyr.
  • The dominant has more duties than submissive. It is very likely that people in highly responsible positions would enjoy as a submissive. In sex life, they may not want to make decisions.
  • The BDSM groups existed in the 80s as well. Burger Munch or Munch was the term for them. So, it was initially Munch, whom we now refer them as kink lifestyle.
  • There is a close relation between pain and pleasure. In fact, depression causes sexual arousal to a lot of people. As per a survey by Kinsey, Pomeroy, and Martin, half of the volunteer loves to get bitten or munched sexually. It sexually arouses them or turns them on.
  • The students of tops schools like Harvard, Tufts, and others are embracing it. They have aligned with The Society of Janus, the NCSF, and many other renowned BDSM groups. The students want to legitimize kink as an alternative lifestyle. They are aiding therapists and counselors in discovering the BDSM.
  • It is a lively subculture. It has language, norms, and even manners. For example, they refer an outsider as However, it doesn’t mean any negative remark.

It was a taboo in the society just a couple of decades ago. During that time, only 10% to 15% of Americans accepted of trying BDSM at least once. Besides, only 15% used to perform it occasionally. However, the mindsets have entirely changed now. As per another recent survey, around 90 percent practices or tried it. The sale of BDSM books, toys and tools have risen steeply. Besides, internet searches have skyrocketed by 80 percent. The BDSM social networking website, FetLife has now more than 2 million members.

The BDSM Gears

It can be tempting to check out the options for the BDSM gears, especially if you are new. Before starting the scene with your partner, you should gather them. It will ensure that you don’t miss any fun. Here are some of the useful tools. Whether you are an amateur or experienced, but you would find them helpful.

A Blindfold

Depriving your partner of vision is an excellent idea.  It will enhance his/her other senses like the smell, hear, touch and taste. Now, this will unlock many adventures and activities. You can try usual blindfolds as well. They are sleeping mask and even silk scarf. You can enjoy the humiliation play with it.

Gag

Depriving your partner of the ability of speaking is what this tool does. You should pay a little attention to its size. Your partner will find difficulty if there are some size issues with it. Besides, you can also use the scarf for it. If you want to get nastier, then stuff his/her mouth with your undergarments.

Restraints

You can try lots of thing in this section. The duct tapes are an inexpensive option. However, it may tear the skin. Besides, you can buy micropore. The Velcro ankle cuffs are a great option. They are soft and ideal for starters. If rope play thrills you then you can use a cotton clothesline as a rope. They are suitable for Bondage plays.

Vibrators and Dildos

The wand-style body massagers are the most popular vibrators. For rope bondage, go with the cordless version of it. They will help to attain forced orgasm. In fact, not just vaginas, but penises like vibration as well. For prostates and G-spots, you can choose the Njoy Pure Wand.

Wartenberg Pinwheel

It is a small pizza cutter which you can use to fulfill your fantasies. You have to roll it around your lover’s skin gently. However, you have got to be very careful with it. A little extra pressure will pierce his/her skin. You can roll it on sensitive skin areas like nipples, thighs, neck, etc. So, here are some of the best BDSM romances which you should not miss reading out.

Body Clamps

One can use it on different body areas to get the fun. They are around testicles, lips, tongue, labia, and others. Make sure to set it on the light grip. It is not for those who can’t tolerate a bit pain.

A Riding Crop

This tool can deliver a sting as per the force implemented. You can gently hit nipples and genital with it.

Flogger

It can deliver various types of sensations. If you want mild sensation, then go with the deerskin. Whereas, go with heavier leathers and faux leather for more profound feelings.

Cane

This tool can deliver a lot of pain. It is ideal if you want to inflict the pain leave some marks. Butts and thighs are the best areas to use it.

Some BDSM Movies

Undoubtedly, Fifty Shades series are the most popular BDSM movie of all time. However, they are not the only one to showcase it. Other films have also well-portrayed this subject. Some of them with their release years are as follows:

  • The Secretary in the year 2002.
  • Bitter Moon in the year 1992.
  • Belle de Jour 1967.
  • 9 ½ WEEKS in the year 1986.

Some Best BDSM Books

People who like literature and BDSM don’t have to disappoint. There are lots of books with the themes of erotic romances with BDSM elements. With the sale of over 65 million copies, the Fifty Shades series are dominating the Books section as well. The interesting thing is every book has portrayed it differently.

  • Personal Geography by Tamsen Parker.
  • Light Switch by Lauren Gallagher.
  • Caught by Cassandra Carr.
  • Comfort Object by Annabel Joseph.
  • Out of Control by Teresa Noelle Roberts.
  • Dark Garden by Eden Bradley.

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